People pleasing is simply the act of striving to be in everyone’s good book. People find themselves doing this because they might be timid, phony, fall on deaf ears to their needs, or feel others’ needs are more important than theirs. Sticking with this destructive habit leads to a loss of self, being taken advantage of, loneliness, exhaustion, just to name a few. Since you’ve taken this quiz, worry less because here are 6 ways to avoid being a people pleaser.
1. Know your worth
Remind yourself of the fact that you are as important as those you’re trying to please. Eliminate the feeling of inferiority which makes you feel that addressing the needs of others before attending to yours is the right thing to do.
2. Learn to be assertive
Always try to be direct as much as possible — especially in your replies. Even if this hurts the feelings of others, they will realize the decision you made was for your own good thus, reminding them that you value yourself. For instance, if you’ve been invited by a friend to a party and decide to dip for a certain reason, you should say: “I won’t be able to make it” rather than “I’ll try to make it”.
3. Do things for you
Trying to get validation from others by doing things you wouldn’t do on a regular basis is a no no. Don’t make a hefty donation or live beyond your means if you know you are on a tight budget. At times, many people in our generation do this to be the topic of everyone’s conversation. You’re only going to hurt yourself in the long run.
4. Keep it real — always
We can all name that one person who always wants to hear only positive opinions from us at all times. Anything contrary to that falls on deaf ears or is up for debate. No matter how hurtful your opinion might sound to a friend, it is a good way of cementing yourself as that person who is true and honest to themselves and others. This characteristic alone is good enough to boost your well-being by increasing your self-esteem and fostering better relationships with others.
5. Accept the fact that you cannot always be the good samaritan
We might have that close childhood friend who is in dire need of help but upon assessing ourselves and our current situation, we realize we aren’t in the position to provide them with the necessary assistance. Giving them false hope by trying your best, puts your relationship with the person in jeopardy; you’ve got to let them know straight off the bat.
6. Let your emotions flow
Never hurt yourself emotionally to please others. It’s clearly understandable that people might do this for the fear of how others might react or think about you but remember that doing this often comes to haunt you in the end. A study from University of Texas at Austin found that concealing our emotions only makes them stronger and this has nothing but adverse effects on our mind.